12-27-2009
Tiff gave me a book this Christmas called "There ain't no sister like a Locke sister"
She made it herself, but it's a real book. The Locke sister legacy must be taught to all upcoming girls and Mary B. learned a little today!

CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!!!
2009

I came home last night to five little munchkins sleeping on my floor. My nieces and nephews make my heart full with joy. I love having conversations with them. It's true that kids say "the darndest things!" It's different with my nieces and nephews though..There is this connection with them that I can't explain. ahh....they're sooooooo cute!

Wrapping presents and setting out santa gifts TAKES FOREVER...... This job is an all night and most of the morning affair. I helped until 2am, then I hit the couch! I never knew all the work my parents did...HOLY COW! However, it's super fun to be on the other side waiting for the little babies to run down..



This is what our house looked like after a BIG CHRISTMAS MORNING!

You could FOR SURE say my dad's love language is gift giving! Which he has most definitely passed on to his children.

If you haven't heard of the Zuh Zuh pet, you probably don't live around any children. These were the hot item at toys R us this year and somehow we got five of them. They are little hampsters. I must say they're pretty awesome. They even get lost like real hampsters!! haha

(notice the quality of the pictures in this blog increased after Christmas morning.. I GOT A CAMERA!) YAYYYYYYYY!!!! This Blog will only get better!
Later that night my best friend cousins came over!! We had our annual christmas party.. what-a-blast!!

I also got the shane and shane cd.. I love the song "I'm alive" by Shane and Shane!! I seriously want to jump and dance for the Lord when I hear it!!! I'm reading 1 PETER. I really liked 1Peter 2 :18.. <------this verse is not at all easily done for me.....I believe justice must be served and I will often show an attitude or disrespect if I feel I've been treated wrongly... :( !! I am glad I saw this verse today!

Merry Christmas!!! Happy NEW YEAR!!!

I used to play with this nativity like it was a doll house. It's by far my favorite decoration we have.

(Click below)
Put the link in another window and listen to this song while reading my blog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy29mQfiavg

(this is on the Chris Tomlin Christmas Cd. It's one of my most favorite songs. It makes me think of Jesus differently!)
I think this song also represents the way Jesus speaks!!

Right Now:
I'm sitting in my dining room PONDERING. I just had dinner with an old old friend(who has forever been my bestfriend!). I've just recently began to see the strategy satan has used in my life in the past year to keep me from hearing Jesus and growing further with Jesus. I did not figure this out on my own, I was very very blind to what satan was doing until someone pointed it out to me. I have since felt a peace and relief. I see in my old old friend the way satan is manipulating and confusing her and I WANT TO SCREAM! It's so difficult to wait on the Lord. Everytime, I try to say the 'right'
thing, I usually somehow just offend her..
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord!"
Psalm 27:14

I cannot wait for the day when satan is crushed..

I'm gonna go spend time with Jesus in my room now and I'm gonna listen for his quiet, soft, and slow voice.

Izzy has learned how to worship

She crawled, she walked, and now she worships!!
I love wittle Iddy

I have more for you than the life that you're living. This day to day..what is next.. I want you to live a life that focuses on the things above not on earthly things..



I have shown you visions of being over seas watching people and being with people who love Me. JOY is a real constant thing.....



Live aware of my presence constantly seeing the signs and the encouragement I give so often.



You are restless in waiting where you are. You urge for me in this specific moment.



I fully understand you and your ways.....and you want to fully know mine



don't drown here....I'll show you JESUS!!




Pray for an obedient and willing heart & spirit...



there is an answer to the longing of your heart..Let go of the barrier



I have shown you.............



(this is what I heard today)

THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!


I helped mom with some of the dishes ,but she did MAJORITY of the work..haha

This was Walt's first Thanksgiving with us! I really like Walt! On Tuesday he spoke for FCA @MTSU... FCA was AWESOME last TUESDAY NIGHT!





This was Charlie's first thanksgiving with us as well.... This is also the first dog to sleep in our house and be in our house period..Poor missy (our old dog) had to be in the cold all night when she was alive. This is Cort and Bubba's dog but everytime they come in, the dog comes too... Mom and Dad are adjusting to this...haha..I feel like Charlie knows this house just as well as his own! I feel like I have a dog! :)

I purchased this hat @ Target (not a black friday deal) It's green with long braids hanging down. Now my ears will be super warm when I walk to school!



Thanksgiving was different this year bc...
1. Missy (the dog) wasn't there to eat the leftovers
2. It was just our family no cousins or grandparents (except Mums)
3. I actually participated in black friday and waited in line @ 12:00am (yeah, it's fun!)
4. I made something (ranch dip) for Thanksgiving dinner
5.Walt (new bro in law) was here
6.Tiff is married
7. Jody didn't come to Thanksgiving. :(
8.I listened to Christmas music 3 days before Thanksgiving..(totally got me in the spirit)
9. Bubba had a tournament so he wasn't with us (He won the game tonight!!)
GO SEWANEE!



1.I am thankful for my sisters and the great examples they have been in my life, but more so the close friendship I have with them!

2. My father who loves me and cares about me and who desires to spend time with me and listen to me!!!

3. My mother who slaves in a kitchen all day to feed her family of 6 that has turned into a family of 18 people!!!!!!

4. My friends at school that are uniquely light hearted

5. My friends who live far from me who share the same interest in Jesus!

6. For my neices and nephews that make me grit my teeth bc I think they're soooo cute! I'm not really thankful that I grit my teeth, but they make me SOOOOOOO happy inside everytime I see them!!

Today in my quiet time I felt the Lord say the same things to me He has said for so long..

(so I'm left with this scripture!)

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5

These pictures represent what my life has been like. All that writing in my planner are things that I need to get done. I've been so stressed in my head. I feel like I turn into an introvert when my schedule gets this crazy. I wake up early spend time alone in my room. Then I come home to spend time alone until I go to bed.

I LOVE to think about and figure out relationships much much much more than think about school work!!!!

Since last Friday around 4:00 I have been studying for at least an hour a day on this physical science test I had coming up. Today, I was on campus since 12:00 because I had to work on a project. At 3:00 I went to lab with Soph. She said , "Have you seen your science grade yet"..I said "no, are they up? she said "yes"......I was really nervous but I had studied a lot soooooo....


I FAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously don't usually cry...but in the middle of lab I started crying a lot. I think I even made noises... Soph, looked at me surprised and quickly tried to comfort me...She pulled out some kleenex for me to wipe my eyes...

I know I didn't do all I could have done to do the best I could....but I studied 5 days in advance EVERYDAY!!!!!!

I'm the worst at multiple choice...too many options to consider....some people are sooo good at it!

I just want to hear His voice today...I want to know what is next?..what do I look for?..who do I look for?...but all I hear is stillness right now..

I'm tired.

What am I talking about, I love having a lot on my plate! :)

Refuge is in my car with Jesus culture and I worshiping Jesus!

"Oh Lord, you're beautiful" by Melissa How (listen to this)

"Burning Ones" Chris Quilala (And this one)

Worship music and being among worship keeps me ALIVE!..

:)

My 21st birthday was great!

Breakfast with Lace

Lunch with Kaycee, Sophie,Blake, and Caroline

Dinner with Mom, Dad, Mums, Tiff, Cort, and Bub.

(Spaghetti Factory in Nashville!! SO FUN!!)

The Present was a big pretty shiny ring given to me by my mom and dad..

(tradition for the 21st)

Cort, Bubs, Maryb., Isaac, Emma, and Izzy gave me a purse, bath tub stuff, a sweater, and socks!

(That was a lot, and I LOVED THEM ALL!!) (CORT KNOWS ME SO WELL)

Tiff and Walty gave me a sweater dress that I loved also!

I watched the MJ movie today and it was cool. I was inspired by him and all his hard work. He was a genius. I was touched by His spirit that was so gentle and tender toward people. He was kind. He wanted to touch the world and make it a better place.

Tiff and I talked about what a good heart he seemed to have...

His songs really reflect a desire for the world to be a better place, so why can't he know Jesus!!!!!

His newest and final song "this is it" says in the first few lines " I'm the Light of the world"

I'm not exactly sure what that means?

He mentions God but no Jesus....

JESUS IS IT!!!!! JESUS IS IT !!!! HE IS NEAR>>HE IS HEAR!! I WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE AND TELL THEM THE PASSION THAT BOILS IN MY HEART>>

HE RESCUES

HE COMFORTS

HE LOVES

HE DESIRES INTIMACY WITH ME

HE PROMISES ETERNITY WITH ME

HE IS JOY

HE IS WRATHFUL

HE IS JEALOUS OF WHAT GETS IN BETWEEN ME AND HIM

HE SPEAKS OVER MY SOUL

HE IS EVERYTHING A SOUL LONGS FOR!!!!!!

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!!

I CANNOT be mixed with something that does not want JESUS! I CANNOT!!

JESUS IS LIVING AND PRESENT IN MY SOUL!!

OH HOW I WANT YOU, FATHER

"Be joyful always; Pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18
unfortunately, I broke my camera. I've owned three cameras and somehow two disappeared and one broke. The only camera I have now is attached to my computer. So, hopefully, I will carry this around and get more pics other than just pics of me.. until then..
I am the picture!

I must say I love FALL for these reasons..

1. Because my hair isn't frizzy like in the summer :(
2. I like to run in the fall (or should I say it's easier)
3.My birthday is in the fall
4. Two holidays are in the fall
5. football games
6. Chili
7. Coffee shops
8. Bonfires and the smell of fire outside.
9.Candles
10. jackets/scarves
11. Christmas is right around the corner!
12. Colorful trees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




"Devote yourself to prayer being watchful and thankful." Colossians4:2

Relate with JESUS today! :)

I heard the song "table for two" by Derek Webb the other night in the car with Molly. It was the first time I had ever heard it but apparently its old. I played it for Cortney and she said "This is old, they came out with this when I was in college." Well, it's a great song... Look it up!

Last night Cort and Bubs went out with mom and dad to eat. While they were gone Izzy woke up, so I held her for a long time.. (She was so cute) However she cried a long time.. I finally just decided to put her back in the crib. Literally, after laying her in the crib, one minute later, she went to sleep. I had held her for 20 min crying and that's what she wanted..

I came out of Izzy's room around 11:00pm to see MaryB. standing in the hall waiting for me. She told me she was scared. I totally believed her bc there were plenty of times I had been scared out of my mind to sleep upstairs. So she and I stayed up and watched some Hannah Montana..

After cort and bubs came home around 11:30pm they took lil Mar back up to bed. I continued to watch Hannah Montana until about 12:00am. (The prom episode is pretty darn good)

I fell asleep soon after 12:00am

Emma came down the stairs around 2:00am crying for mama. I took her upstairs to mama.

Mums had potty breaks at 4:51am and 6:49am. (small bladder)

Mums decided she was ready to get up at 6:58am. So, that means I had to wake up also.

This morning my dad had to take me to school 40min away. I was so tired..I started crying!

I cried a lot..I told him I wanted to drop out of school bc I hate it (DRAMATIC) I was half way crying and laughing...

He told me he had never heard me talk like this..

I ended up going to sonic with my dad during my first class..

I asked him why I couldn't be a perfect christian girl..and he laughed..

He told me I was a great christian girl...

I asked him why I didn't love school, then??

He said, you don't have to love school, but being in class and doing the best you can is apart of your witness.

He reflected on the speaker we heard last night, "Do your best for the Lord!"

As I hopped out of the car to go to school dad made me laugh (AS ALWAYS) when he said, "HEY this is the time of your life, I HAVE TO TAKE MUMS TO GET HER HAIR DONE TOMORROW!" ( he said it in his silly I'm ashamed voice.) haha it makes me laugh thinking about dad taking mums to get her hair done..

I feel so convicted about my desire to just get by in school, I WANT TO OVER ACHIEVE FOR THE LORD!!!!

FROM IZZY WAKING UP CRYING TO MY CRYING/TIRED RAGE THIS MORNING...EVERYTHING HAS HAPPENED ON SCHEDULE!!!

"Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."

Psalm 139: 16 (the message)

Missy 1994-2009

Missy was born into our family. She was the daughter of Roxy who was also a member of our family. I think Missy and Roxy were a lot alike. I can barely remember Roxy, but I remember my dad coming upstairs and telling us when she had passed away. Tiff and I were playing with our playskool kitchen set in the play room. I remember crying and asking what happened even though I knew she had been run over by a car.

Missy had a baby named Precious a few years later. She was part Chow. We would lock Missy up in her pin and somehow her "boyfriend" (we'll call it) would get into her cage...... This was how Precious was born. I was very glad that Missy had little pups. I must have been in the second grade when her eight puppies were born.

When we moved to Brentwood little Missy and Precious couldn't run around like they used to, they had to stay in our yard. Precious was a little rebellious, so after she bit the neighbors dog for the third time, we had to put the little pup down..:(

Missy was all alone, until we found her a friend named Beeper. Beeper, the cat with no tail.

For some reason Missy always seemed older than me. I always saw her as a mom personality. I never really saw her as a kid dog. She was always an adult to me.

Missy was always apart of our family since I can remember and I know I didn't hardly pay her any attention after I got to middle school, but she makes me reflect on my childhood. I loved my childhood and I'm sad to see pieces of that become memories...

If there is a dog heaven, I hope Missy is there with her daughter and mommy!

For my Bunny, Muffin, and Jo Jo! :)

I miss you lover sisters!



It makes me happy when I think of fun times..like Tiff on a Karaoke and emma bouncing around with her swimsuit on in the background.

Or easter 2008


I miss shopping for bridesmaid dresses (sorta)


I miss christmas parties..(btw: bring the karaoke home, it's almost time to start practicing for christmas again; Dad totally told me I sang "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" well)


I miss you too, Jo JO..


Cort, you're not so touchy..but I am.. Tiff and I cuddle like bunnies



I never see this angle of you so I like it!


I miss pics of us 4

This was the last shot of us 4, before BUBBA.

Jo JO you were a fox! You still are don't worry..

So I'm tempted to play the whistle song

our song was the whistle song..
sissys! "Ok time to whistle at her..."

Tiff, you make me laugh so hard..even your text messages make me laugh out loud!

I heart you , even when we argue about clothes..

I love you muffin!And................................................................................................




I think you were in the 9th grade in this jo jo..it's cute! i like this puckered lip pose on you a lot!
You have taught me a lot JO JO. I'm so glad you are my one and only brother





BAM!

Cort, I listen to everything you say! You're the boss....I LOVE YOU! P.s. you know I went through this stage also.... mom still wears her bangs like this!!! I love you BUNNY!





!

My heart is aching

At FCA a guy talked about the fact that because Jesus knows us so intimately, He becomes incredibly JEALOUS of what we put before Him. He DESIRES so so so so much to be in an intimate relationship with us!!


We talked further about desires at FCA. PSALM 37:4 might be the most common verse of them all.This is Sarah. She is a track STAR and she attends FCA with me. She is from Uganda. She is nationally ranked and also internationally ranked. She is a CHAMP to say the least. She is also like an exploding box of wisdom. When she speaks it's like water to my desert heart. I asked her what the desires of her heart were, but she made me answer first.. She said my desire is to know God more(If only I could do her accent, it's so awesome). This desire to know God more is offered to me and her at every moment. It is the absolute fulfillment of any and every desire. HOW DARE WE SAY WE'RE TOO BUSY FOR THE ONE WHO PLANNED OUT EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES....

He will fulfill the longings and desires of my heart.

I heard once that your prayers will turn into what God is saying to your heart. So as you pray you are praying what the Lord is saying to you. I heard that from a man named Graham Cooke.

Jesus gave me a surprise today and I giggled! :)

I went to the park today to spend time with Jesus and I read Luke 16:1-16.

I really didn't understand it until I was writing this blog. Jesus is telling a story about a master who fires his manager because the manager was wasting his money. The manager was basically hopeless for a job after that because he couldn't do hard labor. So he decided he would make friends with people, so he could have a place to stay after he didn't have a job. so he went to people in the town and cut the debt in half of whatever they owed to the master . So he went behind the masters back again.. He just cut their debt in half... I'm sorry but if someone was doing this to me or to any of my family or friends I would be like uhhhh YEAH FIRE HIM... but Jesus goes on to say the master praises him and then (brace yourself for conviction) Jesus says this " The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light" Luke 16:8

What I got out of this was most of us CHRISTIANS would have fired that man in a heart beat!!
WE CARE MORE ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MONEY RATHER THAN THE MAN!!!!!!!!

"No servant can serve to masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."Luke 16:13

Oh, and then the pharisees start laughing in the corner at Jesus as he is speaking. I would have just ignored them, but NOT MR. ASSERTIVE AWESOME MAN JESUS he is says "YOU ARE THE ONES WHO JUSTIFY YOURSELVES IN THE EYES OF MEN, BUT GOD KNOWS YOUR HEARTS. WHAT IS HIGHLY VALUED AMONG MEN IS DETESTABLE IN GOD'S SIGHT!"Luke 16:14-16

WE VALUE MONEY MUCH HIGHER THAN WE DO ONE ANOTHER..



So this was what I was looking at while I was at the park. I saw this tree. I thought about what a pure creation it was from God. So I felt like the Lord wanted me to walk over to it.

I found these awesome huge rocks at the bottom of the tree. I mean they may not look big in this picture but I could lay across them and fit perfect. I felt the Lord gave He and I a meeting ground. I think this is where He wants me to spend time listening to Him. I was smiling and excited..:)

Jesus~

Jesus, If I were to see you face to face right now, I would probably forget all those things I've been struggling with and wanting answers for. I would probably feel like I did when I depended on my mom for comfort. I'd probably want you to hold me and I wouldn't want to leave your feet. I have an image of myself hugging your feet like a child. I WANT YOU NEAR ME! MY HEART IS LONGING FOR YOU AS I DAYDREAM OF WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE TO SEE YOU. I want you to touch my face with all of it's imperfections. I want to be with the one who created me... It's not enough to be on this earth without you, I get distracted so easily. I can't even treat people better than I treat myself. I can't do anything but I long to. I need you!
Lord, I pray that I could seek peace in every relationship and situation I am in.

"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." Psalm 134:14 I'm trying to know what it means to seek peace..I think it means to do good and flee from evil. Obviously anxiety is the opposite of peace. Jesus convicts me like CRAZY with anxiety when i'm doing something He doesn't want..Oddly most of the time I get bad anxiety when I'm "talking" to guys. Actually everytime I have attempted to have a relationship (beyond friends) with a guy I get insane anxiety...It' s not a good feeling, but I'm almost positive that's how the Lord protects me.

Single life: Take 2

Emma thought it would be fun to lock me out of the car on Monday!!!

But Cortney came out and I got in, and you can see Emma in the back in her booster where she belongs...

And this is how the Smith's roll out...














Target shopping really does a girl some GOOOD! :)



















The car I"m driving will only play CDs.It won't even play mixes. Unfortunately, the only cds I have kept up with are Shania Twain, Carrie Underwood, Hello August, and This mix country cd made by sophie that barely plays...For a while I played Hello August (worship) then that got old. This past week I listened to some Shania Twain's greatest hits..It's crazy how when I'm in the car I can sing it like i'm going through it with Shania.." I WANNA HEAR HIM SAY, YEAAHH, YEAAHH, YEAHHH I lIKE IT THAT' A WAYYYY!!!!!!!" Oh did I mention my sister who is 10years older than me and graduated from highschool in 1997 drove this little babe magnet..yeah, and it's for real 1 year younger than me.... When my 15 year old dog dies and this car dies I'll be sad.. I can't remember my life without these two things..

I'm sitting in my house alone right now and I heard something fall..hmm..what is that?!!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!? My GRAND IDEA for this is to turn my music up REALLY LOUD so that if someone is in my house they will think, ok her music is REALLY LOUD she didn't hear us, we don't have to kill her!!!!

Tiff and I are riding up to Sewanee tonight to visit our good ole BIG SISSSSSSSSSSTTTTTEEEERRRR!!!!! I'm gonna take a lot of pictures.. I can't wait.. I live for these hang outs!!!
I love when you put your arm around me when we're driving tiff tiff!! haha (this never happens, but when it did I laughed and giggled a lot and took pictures!!!!)


I don't know who I"m gonna marry, I don't know when I'm gonna get married, I don't know where I'll live, I don't know what I'll do for a job, I don't know where I'll go this summer, I don't know how hard my classes will be this next semester, I don't know who will walk in or out of my life in the next month, basically I don't know a lot, but I do know that The God who created the universe, the stars, the moon, the earth, the sycamore trees, the grand canyon, the ocean, the sand, the bugs, the grass, and everything else, I know He knows all of that.....and it
BLOOOOOWWWWWSSSSS MY MINDDDDDDDDD!!!!

"You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:16